Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
