roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
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