Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Randomize
