Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
