you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
17 year olds will be the death of me.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Randomize
