I hate your face
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Randomize
