i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
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