please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
