dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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