Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
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