Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize