It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize