He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
