i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Randomize
