If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
