party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize