i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Sober January is a disaster.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
