The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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