my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Just cropdusted the office
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
