happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
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