During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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