she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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