I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
