just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Dicks are not precious.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
