Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
