So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Randomize
