i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
