im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
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