I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Randomize
