last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
