You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
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