new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
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