I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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