Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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