I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Randomize
