peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
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