hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
So much Jack, so little girl.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Randomize
