It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
