Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
