ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
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