where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
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