Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
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