everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
