elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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