I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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