It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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