I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
