We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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