Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
