I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
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