Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
