i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Randomize
