Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
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