I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
This is my gift to your gina
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
