dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
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