He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Randomize
