Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Randomize
