Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
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