Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
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