I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
