At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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