I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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