dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Randomize