So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Randomize
