allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
