Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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