it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
